This is nothing but a self-archives vanity post where I laugh about what a precocious child I was. Two Christmases ago (prior to better computer and better camera), I went through my old files of stuff and captured examples of my early work. I found that collection the other day and thought I’d share, in chronological order to the best of my knowledge.

• The inside of a greeting card I made during before-school computer lab class in first grade.

“I wish I could have stayed”

• Probably first grade: a touching holiday story. Note the drop cap.

Ones upon a teim Ther was a littel gril ho was in orfin.
She was lonle.
She wurned wat hr naem was. She naemd hrslf Kate. Avrie yier she wokt thro towns and vlug-s. Oen day she lokt at hr pocit calindr. She hodle blevt hr eis. Tomro was crismas. “Wow!!” said Kate. Kate wint to the sror with

Translation: Once upon a time there there was a little girl who was an orphan. She was lonely. She wondered what her name was. She named herself Kate. Every year she walked though towns and villages. One day she looked at her pocket calendar. She hardly believed her eyes. Tomorrow was Christmas. “Wow!!” said Kate. Kate went to the store with”

• Journal entries from first grade, answering the question of the day

My favorite animal is a kitten because they can snugle with you and they can clean themself.
The magic seeds began to say “water water”.
I like to eat green cream of wheat.
Suddenly, the leprechaun jumped out of nowhere!

• Journal entry from around my seventh birthday

I like to play with my craons and draw pretty pictchers. And make crafts. And do things and recicle.

• Wherein I advocate the demise of print newspapers in a first-grade essay advocating environmentalism that I read at an all-school assembly:

I don’t think they have to cut down so many trees. Think of all the news papers. Couldn’t they make one a year for everyone?

• Your influences blend together in odd ways as a child: a short story

Some time ago a girl lived in the city. It was niosey, and it was hard to breth in the smok. All the time she wished she lived in the vally. One day they moved to a big house it had only one thing she liked. She liked her new friend Kathey. Kathey was a dog. but one day it happened. There was a tornato. She flw rond and rond but did not go up. The next day she was in the vally and she was back in time. She new she was in the and she raised a family of ten and live varry niceley.

• An ambitious plan

I have disited to start a club to save the earth. Please sign up. Thank you!

• A short story about a family that lives in the bathroom, a little shaky on the concepts of math and aging

Do you no the family that lived in the bathroom? They had a little baby that had a nap And They had a kid who’s name was Jack. And of the Mom and Dad they were so Happy. But one cold day the Mom and Dad got to old. But the baby was not a baby, And the kid was not a kid because 7 years had gon, Jack was 18 and the baby was 8 and so the Mom and Dad would sit in cairs all day, and just read Books. But Jack and Jan would go and come, and then go back agin. Jan would make Brekfest, Lunch, and Dinner. They were Happy Happy Happy! and they were never sad agin. then they had some kids, Sendy loe, Mary to, and Tim and Tom the twins. So they lived all togetter in the bathroom for on and on.