The New York Times’ TierneyLab is almost always fascinating, and today is especially intriguing about awful names.

“It wasn’t easy picking a winner from more than 1,000 entries. Besides Charman Toilette, an early favorite of the judges, there was Chastity Beltz, Wrigley Fields, Justin Credible, Tiny Bimbo, and a girl whose father was an auto mechanic but somehow didn’t realize he was effectively giving her the name of a tire: Michele Lynn. There were girls named Chaos and Tutu, and boys named Clever, Cowboy, Crash, Felony, Furious and Zero.”

There is so much here that is relevant to my interests. I love that they call it the “Boy Named Sue theory.” Then, that list includes Felony, which is one of the original names on my Words That Would Make Good Names If They Weren’t Already Words List (along with Machete, Rival, Soviet, Parole, Debris, etc.)

Ever since Hugo Chavez tried limiting names and I learned they have approved lists in Europe, I’ve been a full believer in naming libertarianism, if not anarchy. It’s your kid, you should be able to pick whatever stupid name you want. Tons of people don’t go by the name on their birth certificate anyway.

There’s a student here who just named her baby girl Bonanza Jellybean. I mean, that’s really stretching it, but I still think it’s neat. The child will learn to cope – in the newsroom we brainstormed nicknames like Nanza or Nanzie – and then it will be an interesting conversation piece later on. I mean, at least she has a built-in outlet for uniqueness if she ever wants it. Name a child Emily Ann and you’re just begging for her to dye her hair green or get illegal tattoos if she feels too ordinary at 15.

I’ve long been a proponent of giving children unusual first names with totally normal, classic middle names. A crazy middle name is just dumb – “Hehe, look at what goofy thing we’re getting away with!” – and if they don’t end up liking the unusual first name they can go with the really classy first initial-middle name construction, like F. Scott Fitzgerald.

The one that’s been giving me problems recently is Vendetta. It really ought to go on my WTWMGNITWAW List, but I just can’t let it go. It’s been months now. It could be Vetta for short.

Aside from that, names and name trends have always interested me. I wonder how you get into the celebrity name-consulting business, because that would be great. I found this site during the summer, and I think I immediately wasted like four hours looking at it. If you’re looking for names that are going to fit with the classy/upscale trends for the next few years without being overused, consider names like Garnet, Viola, Afton, Daisy or Beatrix (for girls) and Harlan, Burton, Roscoe or Cohen (for boys).